How to Date an HIV-Positive Guy

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When he was dying, Steven asked a friend to come hold him. If he respected you enough to tell you about his status right away, respect him enough to keep his status to yourself.

Any condom with nonoxynol-9 is better than a condom without... You should be wary about expressing too much personal information on the Internet. He will be greatly missed, but never forgotten.

Dating Someone with HIV

You've met just the right person, and you think this might be the one. He or she enjoys the same things you do, you get along great, you 'click' in every way, and it looks like there's a future in store. But then you find out this great person is infected with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Dating and falling in love is one of the most normal of human behaviors, and for the most part, it's no different for someone with HIV. With some education on both sides, a lot of acceptance and loving understanding, you can indeed have a happy dating relationship with a man or woman who is HIV positive, and you can even marry and have a future. Yes, you can have a fun and fulfilling dating life! People with HIV go to the movies, dance, swim, take vacations, shop for groceries, work, go to college, and yes, date, fall in love and get married. Here are some things you should consider if you've met someone with HIV and you want to date and build a relationship. The first rule, one you should have explored by now, is to always know for certain the health status of those you date. Many diseases some of them, such as HIV, considered life-threatening , are transmitted through intimate contact. Unfortunately, many of those who have HIV or other conditions may not know about it. Naturally, you can ask about someone's status, but unless they've been tested recently and even then, the results don't always show up if a person is newly infected , they may think they aren't infected, but still have the virus. And, some people don't disclose things honestly. Although there are some lifestyles and situations that might suggest , it's important to know if they've been exposed to the virus. If you're in a relationship that's headed for intimacy, do yourselves a mutual favor and get tested together, with an agreement that you'll disclose the information to each other. Testing can be done in a matter of minutes at many health departments unlike years ago, when it took a few weeks to get results ; the tests are usually free, and you can put this issue to rest one way or the other. In some cases, you will need to consent for the test results to be reported to the local health department especially if you want immediate results. However, confidential testing is still available in some facilities. In either case, you should be permitted to invite your partner to be there when the results are given. First, determine if the person you're involved with is getting the proper treatment for HIV. With recent drug therapy, the viral load can be greatly reduced even to the level considered 'undetectable,' and this not only helps protect the partner, but it keeps the person who has the virus in better health. If your new romantic interest is lax about following his or her treatment plan, this can create problems for both of you. The person who is infected can deteriorate more easily, and the partner is at a higher risk of becoming infected although protection should be used at all times. There's also an increase in stress if you're continually worried that the person you love isn't properly caring for himself or herself. It goes without saying that you should always use condoms during intimacy. But we'll say it here anyway. The best way to protect yourself, aside from abstinence, is by using condoms at all times. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has excellent information on , as well as answers to frequently asked questions. Women who are infected with HIV should not breastfeed, since the infant can be exposed through the mother's milk. Closed-mouth kissing does not present a risk, but deep kissing French kissing can cause exposure if your partner's gums are infected or bleeding. The risk is remote, but it is recommended that you avoid this type of deep kissing if your partner has HIV. What about hugging, holding hands, normal skin contact and using the same toilet seat? Daily contact such as this does not transmit HIV. The CDC site above gives additional details on daily life and living with someone who has HIV, and it is recommended that those in the same household become fully educated on infection control. Same-sex transmission: If you and your partner are both male, always use condoms when you have intimacy, and follow other guidelines such as those listed below for other types of contact, such as kissing and other exposures. Can men catch it from women? Yes, in addition to the risk of infection through contact with blood during a menstrual period, for example , vaginal fluid can carry the virus and can infect male partners through the urethra opening or through any small cuts or abrasions that might be on the penis. According to the most recent data posted by the CDC, about 24% of those infected with HIV are women. The ratio is disproportionately higher for Black and Latina women, however, compared to women of other races or ethnic groups. To avoid infection, use condoms when having vaginal sex, regardless of which partner is infected with HIV. Marriage with an HIV partner is indeed possible, and there are many happy couples who live with this condition in one or both partners. As mentioned above, it is important to fully understand infection control and to be compliant with treatment plans. There have been many advances in HIV medicine in the past 20-plus years. Although the safest thing for everyone concerned is to always have protected sex, and perhaps the best or safest choice is to avoid pregnancy, sometimes an HIV infected woman becomes pregnant, and understandably, some couples where the man has HIV want to explore having children. The three-part video on this hub shows an HIV man and his wife who have dealt with the infection during their entire marriage and have had children together. Before jumping into parenthood, discuss your thoughts and desires with your doctor. He or she knows your partner's medical condition and can advise you of the options. Some options might not be appropriate for a given situation, so it's important to have your situation evaluated individually. What if you want to have a baby someday? It's not out of the question for a couple dealing with HIV to have children; here are some things to know if you are in a relationship with someone who has HIV and you want to start a family. When the woman has HIV: The risk to an unborn fetus is greatly reduced if an HIV infected woman is on proper antiretroviral ARV drugs. If an unplanned pregnancy occurs, consult with your doctor about the proper treatment and choices to protect the safety of the baby as well as the mother. If your female partner has HIV and the two of you want to conceive, consult the doctor ahead of time about the status of her virus, the appropriateness of this choice and the option of using artificial insemination to impregnate her. The sperm can be harvested from the male partner or a donor and transferred to the woman with no risk to the male partner. When the man has HIV: A process called sperm washing can be used to protect the woman who receives sperm from a male donor. The process separates sperm cells from the fluid it is carried in semen and the cells are tested for HIV before being implanted in the woman or used to fertilize an egg, which is later implanted. This process can be very expensive and is not widely available. When both have HIV: There can be a risk small, but still a risk of the two partners somehow creating a new or different strain of HIV if they engage in unprotected sex. This would, of course, subject the fetus to the infection and current therapies may not be effective. It is not recommended for two partners with HIV to have frequent, unprotected sex. Not all individuals who have HIV have AIDS. Your doctor or your partner's doctor can explain what happens when HIV transitions to the AIDS level. Generally, an HIV patient is considered to have AIDS when an opportunistic infection occurs one that would normally not affect someone whose immune system is not compromised , or when the CD4 count the cells that help fight infections goes below 200. This article is not about AIDS and is not intended to provide medical information or a diagnosis. Because HIV still has no cure, if you enter into a long-term relationship with somebody who has this condition, you should understand that there may be health issues in the future. In recent years, HIV is not quite considered the death sentence it once was, but it is still a disease that can shorten life and in its advanced stages, it can change the quality of life or mobility of someone who has it. So, however, can many other diseases. We are all human and we are all vulnerable to illnesses. Your partner with HIV is no different from the rest of the world in that regard. Copyright 2012 by Marcy Goodfleisch, MA; Ms. Goodfleisch is the former clinic administrator of the David Powell HIV Clinic in Austin Texas and, as the non-scientific member of an Independent Ethics Review Board IRB has reviewed and approved research studies in HIV patients. This article is intended for information only and is not designed to diagnose or treat a specific condition. Hi, KAYEVE - thanks for your post here, and for sharing this. It sounds like you've had to process a lot of information in the past few days. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers. I'm sure your medical team has already started helping you find appropriate pre-natal care; ask them to refer you to a clinic in your area that specializes in 'high-risk pregnancies' don't let that term scare you; it just means they know how to handle pregnancies that fall outside of the norm. You will find caring, supportive people, and they can assess your own situation and what options are best for you and the baby. If you having read it yet, check out the article I wrote on HIV and pregnancy it discusses whether there's a risk of miscarriage, but it has some good, basic information and links about being pregnant when you have HIV. Please let me know how things go for you? I'm sending you prayers and hugs. The story of the couple in the three videos is so heartwarming - I know the path ahead will be challenging at times, but it's wonderful to see some ways to manage the health condition as well as risks to partners. Best of luck to you, and my prayers are with you! I'm so gratified by the positive comments here - I confess I worried about bashing, but the overwhelming supportive attitudes here have been heartening. I strongly believe this is one of many topics that people need to understand and, I hope, learn not to judge. Thanks for your sweet comments! Matthew - your comment reminds me of one of the saddest patients I saw while working at the clinic. A beautiful, young 17-year-old girl had discovered she was infected through a boyfriend. I hope she was able to find a partner who understood her condition and accepted her for the beautiful young woman she was. It's weird because yesterday I was watching a documentary about a young girl who became infected with HIV after shooting just one adult movie. She found out 2 days after the shooting that one of the cast members was infected. A few weeks later she tested positive. What is strange is that I grew up in the 80's and 90's and I remember all the media hype about HIV and AIDS and then all of a sudden you hardly hear about it anymore. Great of you to post such valuable information that can be helpful for people. Voted up and shared! Your hub is very informative. I love the way you used subtitles throughout your hub. Voted up and useful. I even had a dentist that wore a huge plastic shield during extractions in case blood would splatter, his words. No wonder I wouldn't open my mouth when I was eight. How fortunate we are that medicine has progressed to where it is now. There's still no cure for diabetes, but people live with it, and perhaps the world will one day consider HIV in the same manner. Many thanks for reading and commenting! Factual, informative, easy to read and sensitive to those infected. For a while, they were really ostracized and treated badly by society. There was so much fear about this disease and so much misinformation about how it was transmitted hand-shakes were avoided and how to cure it I had a patient try to inject bleach IV since bleach could destroy the virus. I'm glad we've come so far and articles like this will help not only those infected, but society in general, to understand these issues. Voted up and useful. It's so heartening to know people can live happy lives while they deal with the disease. I truly hope the stigma is mitigated, and at the same time, people exercise common sense and prevent the spread of the disease. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages ® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. This website uses cookies As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. 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It's just moral, not against the law for you have HIV. If the point is how do you keep from getting a death sentence, then the answer is abstinence. We are all human and we are all vulnerable to illnesses. About a week ago Daddy Barry mentioned seeing Larry at breakfast -- with a beer. I ring forward to seeing Doug more, but I am so saddened for his loss. He worked at Leather by Boots -- Houston now closed and decided he wanted to get to know me better. A brand of water-based lube called Eros could be a good stand-in for those who between silicone products and also value their toys. Websites such as Yahoo. Then during the leather gathering folks gathered tightly in the large living room and adjoining areas to hear, remember and share more about pluG. We rolled down the windows and chatted, then handed my friend this con dildo as if there were nothing unusual about it. I knew Mark primarily because he brought my former sponsee, Ray, to Ray's first meeting.